darkness starts to envelope around me like a wet cloth to a suffocating being. there's no escaping, no turning back. i can cash my chips. was this all but more than i bargained for? i didn't wish for this to overtake me, but to fight it and overcome. but perhaps not every epic fight or fight in the least ends happily for the main character hero no? or is my faith failing to the point of breaking a piece of plastic to where God comes in and saves the day at the last minute. i don't know if i can even do this now, you assure me that you will mold me into the person ill become. liken unto a sameri sword, layered by metal. layer by layer i shall become the whole sword to vanquish and slice through the darkness that enveloped to place in which i was created. then shall all be free and the suffering over. so much i dson't know and wish i did, but with what little i do know. it's scarce more than i can take. death seems like a cupcake compared to this..

there was so much i wanted to say. in the midst of it all i just wanted to say what i didn't have the guts to. maybe it was because everyone said with their eyes and bodies that it was wrong, but i didn't care...until it had burned me. sometimes you just lose...so how come im the one that always loses...